adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

A History Of Ohio State's Rules Violations

Buckeyes head football coach Jim Tressel resigned last week following a cash-for-memorabilia scandal, but it's not the first time Ohio State has run afoul of the NCAA.

  • 1978: While not the standard sort of rules violation, a team's head coach punching an opposing player in the neck probably deserves to be lumped in with the rest of its lowlights
  • 1983: Maurice Clarett born from womb provided to him by shady athletic boosters
  • 1991: For each outstanding play they make, players receive helmet stickers that can be redeemed for $10 gift certificates at local businesses
  • 2003: Following its 2002 championship season, OSU avoids an NCAA investigation into rumored incidents of cheating and rules violations by firing their head cheating coach, two of their four assistant cheating coaches, and their Director of Rules Violations
  • 2004: Ohio State overreaches in its attempt to show compliance with academic standards when DB Ashton Youboty is named dean of the Comparative Literature Department
  • 2005: Team failed to promote an atmosphere of compliance and honesty during a week-three fake field goal attempt
  • 2010: Coach Jim Tressel points in the opposite direction when investigators run up to him and ask, "Which way did the players who were accused of selling team memorabilia go?"
  • 2011: Tressel leaves school proud he beat Michigan in the severity of NCAA violations

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close