Advances In Sports Medicine

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Vol 44 Issue 22

Barr May Take Republican Votes

Former Republican congressman Bob Barr of Georgia was nominated as the Libertarian Party's presidential candidate and may take votes away from John...
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Advances In Sports Medicine

The increased popularity of sports has done more than entertain—it's paid dividends in medical advances as well. Some of the more notable breakthroughs:

Erythropoietin: This protein produces the type of red blood cells that make you good at hitting mid-range jump shots

Gatorade Sweat: The combination of amino acids with phenylalanine hydroxylase turns an athlete's sweat into the brightly colored beverage, allowing athletes to just lick their forearms or inner thighs when they need a boost of energy

The Disabled List: Though top medical scientists are unsure how this mysterious "list" works, whoever is placed upon it magically comes out healed of their injuries

Endorcin: Ingestion of these pills dramatically increases an athlete's stamina and endurance for endorsing products

Sit-Ups: This revolutionary exercise technique, developed in the mid-1980s, strengthens the abdominal muscles and promotes overall fitness and well-being

Scoposcopy: Minimally invasive surgery where a doctor inserts a scope to evaluate the progress of other scopes currently examining the body

Chewable Steroids: Provide the same amount of massive muscle bulk, but available in several delicious natural fruit flavors that even the fussiest athlete will enjoy

Ken Griffey Jr. Surgery: Doctors take a knife and cut away at a patient's hamstring for hours

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