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Sports

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
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Advances In Sports Medicine

The increased popularity of sports has done more than entertain—it's paid dividends in medical advances as well. Some of the more notable breakthroughs:

Erythropoietin: This protein produces the type of red blood cells that make you good at hitting mid-range jump shots

Gatorade Sweat: The combination of amino acids with phenylalanine hydroxylase turns an athlete's sweat into the brightly colored beverage, allowing athletes to just lick their forearms or inner thighs when they need a boost of energy

The Disabled List: Though top medical scientists are unsure how this mysterious "list" works, whoever is placed upon it magically comes out healed of their injuries

Endorcin: Ingestion of these pills dramatically increases an athlete's stamina and endurance for endorsing products

Sit-Ups: This revolutionary exercise technique, developed in the mid-1980s, strengthens the abdominal muscles and promotes overall fitness and well-being

Scoposcopy: Minimally invasive surgery where a doctor inserts a scope to evaluate the progress of other scopes currently examining the body

Chewable Steroids: Provide the same amount of massive muscle bulk, but available in several delicious natural fruit flavors that even the fussiest athlete will enjoy

Ken Griffey Jr. Surgery: Doctors take a knife and cut away at a patient's hamstring for hours

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