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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Advances In Sports Medicine

The increased popularity of sports has done more than entertain—it's paid dividends in medical advances as well. Some of the more notable breakthroughs:

Erythropoietin: This protein produces the type of red blood cells that make you good at hitting mid-range jump shots

Gatorade Sweat: The combination of amino acids with phenylalanine hydroxylase turns an athlete's sweat into the brightly colored beverage, allowing athletes to just lick their forearms or inner thighs when they need a boost of energy

The Disabled List: Though top medical scientists are unsure how this mysterious "list" works, whoever is placed upon it magically comes out healed of their injuries

Endorcin: Ingestion of these pills dramatically increases an athlete's stamina and endurance for endorsing products

Sit-Ups: This revolutionary exercise technique, developed in the mid-1980s, strengthens the abdominal muscles and promotes overall fitness and well-being

Scoposcopy: Minimally invasive surgery where a doctor inserts a scope to evaluate the progress of other scopes currently examining the body

Chewable Steroids: Provide the same amount of massive muscle bulk, but available in several delicious natural fruit flavors that even the fussiest athlete will enjoy

Ken Griffey Jr. Surgery: Doctors take a knife and cut away at a patient's hamstring for hours

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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