Airport Security Oversights

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Strongside/Weakside: Jurgen Klinsmann

Despite leading the U.S. men’s national team through the so-called “Group of Death” in the 2014 World Cup, Jurgen Klinsmann has come under heavy criticism this week after his side finished fourth in the 2015 Gold Cup. Is he any good?

How Apple Plans To Rebound From Apple Watch Flop

With sales of the Apple Watch reportedly down 90 percent since its initial release, Apple is suffering in the wearables market and faces a lack of enthusiasm about its latest product. Here are some ways Apple can improve the watch and prevent the company from falling into a slump:
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Preparedness

  • Doctors Recommend Getting 8 Centuries Of Cryosleep

    STANFORD, CA—Claiming that the practice is essential for effectively recharging the body and waking fully rested and alert, doctors at Stanford University issued a report Monday emphasizing the importance of getting at least eight centuries of atomi...

Business

Coworkers Pull Off Daring One-Hour Lunch Break

TUCSON, AZ—Saying they couldn’t believe such a wild exploit had even been attempted, employees at local marketing firm Synergy Media Services told reporters they were still completely dumbfounded Thursday after account manager Tim Gibbons managed to pull off a daring one-hour lunch break.

Airport Security Oversights

A Connecticut man was recently arrested for carrying a stick of dynamite in his checked luggage on a flight back from Brazil. Here are some other items that have passed through airport security recently:

  • July 24, Houston to New York: Unauthorized liquids, cleverly hidden within cell membranes of passenger
  • July 28, Portland, OR to Topeka, KS: 16 pounds of science textbooks
  • Aug. 15, Pittsburgh to Detroit: VHS tape of Nothing But Trouble, starring Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd
  • Aug. 19, Washington, DC to Darfur: Hope
  • Aug. 23, Bangkok, Thailand to Orlando, FL: Monkey's paw with one wish left
  • Aug. 29, São Paulo, Brazil to Hartford, CT: More mining equipment, including Komatsu PC400LC-7 deep excavator
  • Aug. 31, Sydney, Australia to Los Angeles: Russell Crowe
  • Sept. 3, London to New York: A few Muslim people may have slipped through with their dignity