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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts

A Primer On North Korea

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea remains largely unknown to Americans due mainly to the secrecy and isolationism upheld by its government. The Onion provides a primer on North Korea’s people and culture
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Airport Security Oversights

A Connecticut man was recently arrested for carrying a stick of dynamite in his checked luggage on a flight back from Brazil. Here are some other items that have passed through airport security recently:

  • July 24, Houston to New York: Unauthorized liquids, cleverly hidden within cell membranes of passenger
  • July 28, Portland, OR to Topeka, KS: 16 pounds of science textbooks
  • Aug. 15, Pittsburgh to Detroit: VHS tape of Nothing But Trouble, starring Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd
  • Aug. 19, Washington, DC to Darfur: Hope
  • Aug. 23, Bangkok, Thailand to Orlando, FL: Monkey's paw with one wish left
  • Aug. 29, São Paulo, Brazil to Hartford, CT: More mining equipment, including Komatsu PC400LC-7 deep excavator
  • Aug. 31, Sydney, Australia to Los Angeles: Russell Crowe
  • Sept. 3, London to New York: A few Muslim people may have slipped through with their dignity

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