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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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All-Time Greatest Upsets

Stanford's defeat of top-ranked USC is merely the latest upset in a season that has already held more than its share. Onion Sports runs down some of the most shocking ever:

1919: At the Memorial Stakes, the dominant favorite Man o' War is defeated in a surprise victory by the most unlikely of winners, a horse named "Mob-Owned 22-1 Long Shot"

1948: Harry Truman defeats Thomas Dewey in a boxing match held to decide the presidency

1953: In the first game of their long and storied rivalry, the Harlem Globetrotters upset the Washington Generals, even though the heavily favored Generals appeared to be the much stronger and fundamentally sound team

1969: The Baltimore Colts let the New York Jets win Super Bowl III because they would just feel like hell if that nice young man Joe Namath wound up looking like an idiot in front of everybody

1980: A nation in need of hope witnesses the famous "Miracle On Ice" Olympic hockey game, in which coach Ronald Reagan leads his scrappy team of underdogs to victories against Russia, Iran, and evil

1991: Duke somehow pulls off a championship game victory over heavily favored UNLV despite having Christian Laettner on their team

1994: Despite incredibly long odds at the start of the season, no one wins the World Series

2000: Iowan-born American wrestler Rulon Gardner stuns Russian Alexander Karelin for the Olympic gold, a feat made more impressive by the fact that Gardner was involved in an ATV crash, a hunting mishap, and two bar fights during their match

2005: In perhaps the biggest shocker in the history of baseball, the Pittsburgh Pirates almost beat the New York Yankees in an extra-inning interleague game

2006: In the long-standing rivalry between Jason Kidd and his wife, Kidd had been absolutely dominant; however, she finally turns the tables on him using a quick left hook and a soldering iron

2007: Appalachian State beats Michigan on a last-second blocked field goal, making Michigan fans the most upset in history

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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