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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Alternate Health Care Bills

In response to President Obama's call for compromise, several lawmakers have concocted their own health care reform bills. Here are some provisions of the top contenders:

  • Hoyer-Larson Bill: All 45 million uninsured Americans would be guaranteed medical care, all of it provided by Dr. Tom Janicak of Houston, TX
  • Melancon-Cooper Bill: Would create a low-cost government-administered health insurance plan, but would prohibit anyone from buying into it
  • Griffith-Cantor Bill: Low-income families would be allowed to huddle outside hospital windows in the cold and look at wealthier families receiving care
  • Hutchinson-Snowe Bill: Children insured on a cuteness scale
  • Murray-Menendez Bill: Doctors only allowed to mention giving birth as a viable alternative after providing counseling on the many different ways one can have an abortion.
  • Luetkemeyer-Fortenberry Bill: They just liked the way their names looked together, and this seemed like the most high-profile opportunity to put it out there
  • Grayson Bill: Rep. Alan Grayson will personally punch in the face any insurance executive who turns down a valid claim
  • Blookross-Feiser Bill: Although no one is exactly sure who these two shadowy congressmen are, their bill would mandate a twofold increase in insurance premiums and force patients to buy name-brand drugs

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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

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