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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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American Olympians To Watch

With the 2014 Winter Olympics underway in Sochi, Russia, Onion Sports provides a comprehensive guide to the most exciting U.S. athletes.

  • Shaun White (Snowboarding): A multi-million-dollar athlete who probably should have been one of those guys who just fell through your high school’s cracks
  • Nick Goepper (Slopestyle Skiing): At just 19 years old, Goepper has already proven himself a natural at posing in front of an American flag with his skis suspended across his shoulders and his arms hooked around them
  • Tim Burke (Biathlon): Burke was asked to join the team after impressively gunning down nine people in a small Minnesota town and then fleeing on skis
  • Lolo Jones (Bobsled): The track and field phenom has already drawn controversy for being an attractive woman
  • Sarah Hendrickson (Ski Jumping): She made the Olympic team, so she’s probably pretty good at ski jumping
  • Polina Edmunds (Figure Skating): Already 15 years of age, many are wondering if this Olympic hopeful is simply too old to be a professional figure skater
  • Noelle Pikus-Pace (Skeleton): The mother of two is easily identified during training runs as the one with a sidecar of children attached to her sled
  • Patrick Kane (Ice Hockey): One of the few people here who has more important things he could be doing with his time
  • Ted Ligety (Alpine Skiing): The 2006 gold medalist is once again expected to come up big in the Downhill Who Gives A Shit and Skiing Is Fucking Boring Slalom events
  • Becca Thompson (Figure Skating): This 16-year-old from Bellevue, OH isn’t strictly an Olympian—and may have only gone skating once, last winter on the rink near her house at 228 Tulane Street—but man, is she beautiful
  • Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh Jennings (Beach Volleyball): The greatest duo in beach volleyball history look to defend their 2010 Olympic gold
  • Kelly Clark (Snowboarding): The 30-year-old Clark claims she’s participating in her fourth Olympics, though we’re pretty sure we would’ve remembered her by now
  • Gracie Gold (Figure Skating): Despite numerous attempts, the media has yet to devise clever wordplay that combines the 18-year-old’s last name and her goal of placing first in her events

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