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Politics

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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American Secrets For Sale

Space scientist Stewart David Nozette pleaded guilty to a charge of attempting to sell classified information to an FBI agent posing as an Israeli spy. Here are some other secrets people are trying to sell to foreign intelligence agencies:

  • What "USA" really stands for
  • Comprehensive list of the easiest gals in mid-Atlantic region
  • Hoover Dam is constructed entirely of inflatable materials and is vulnerable to anyone with a pointy object
  • Most all surfing is done by these three brothers
  • Ingredients in a perfect Tom Collins
  • A considerable number of Americans are actually introverted and/or understand irony
  • Bunch of worthless shit they can already find on WikiLeaks for free
  • Lyrics to Toby Keith's latest anthem, which give clues as to whose ass America's boot will be put in next
  • We're actually a pretty nice group of people

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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

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