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Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.

Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.
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American Secrets For Sale

Space scientist Stewart David Nozette pleaded guilty to a charge of attempting to sell classified information to an FBI agent posing as an Israeli spy. Here are some other secrets people are trying to sell to foreign intelligence agencies:

  • What "USA" really stands for
  • Comprehensive list of the easiest gals in mid-Atlantic region
  • Hoover Dam is constructed entirely of inflatable materials and is vulnerable to anyone with a pointy object
  • Most all surfing is done by these three brothers
  • Ingredients in a perfect Tom Collins
  • A considerable number of Americans are actually introverted and/or understand irony
  • Bunch of worthless shit they can already find on WikiLeaks for free
  • Lyrics to Toby Keith's latest anthem, which give clues as to whose ass America's boot will be put in next
  • We're actually a pretty nice group of people

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