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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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American Secrets For Sale

Space scientist Stewart David Nozette pleaded guilty to a charge of attempting to sell classified information to an FBI agent posing as an Israeli spy. Here are some other secrets people are trying to sell to foreign intelligence agencies:

  • What "USA" really stands for
  • Comprehensive list of the easiest gals in mid-Atlantic region
  • Hoover Dam is constructed entirely of inflatable materials and is vulnerable to anyone with a pointy object
  • Most all surfing is done by these three brothers
  • Ingredients in a perfect Tom Collins
  • A considerable number of Americans are actually introverted and/or understand irony
  • Bunch of worthless shit they can already find on WikiLeaks for free
  • Lyrics to Toby Keith's latest anthem, which give clues as to whose ass America's boot will be put in next
  • We're actually a pretty nice group of people
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