adBlockCheck

America's Aging Infrastructure

Top Headlines

Recent News

Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Weddings vs. Eloping

Many couples who don’t want to put the time and money toward a wedding simply run off and get married in secret. Here is a side-by-side comparison of planning a wedding and eloping

EPA Urges Flint Residents To Stop Dumping Tap Water Down Drain

FLINT, MI—Citing the significant health and safety risks that it poses to public infrastructure and the local ecosystem, the Environmental Protection Agency released a statement Thursday urging residents of Flint to discontinue dumping tap water down their drains.

New OSHA Regulations To Cut Down On Workplace Mutations

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to address the troubling number of genetic transformations occurring in workplaces across the nation, the United States Occupational Safety and Health Administration unveiled new regulations this week aimed at reducing on-the-job mutations, sources confirmed.

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Upcoming Changes To U.S. Currency

Secretary of the Treasury Jack Lew recently announced a series of significant changes to U.S. currency. Here are some of the more notable alterations on the horizon
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Satisfaction

Originality

America's Aging Infrastructure

Recent incidents, including a bridge collapse in Minneapolis and a steam tunnel explosion in New York City, have brought the nation's aging infrastructure into the spotlight. What are some of the country's major problem areas?

I-71, Columbus, OH: Years of poor maintenance have led to erosion and a rise in quicksand traps that swallow semitrucks whole

Four Corners Power Plant, Fruitland, NM: Aging gerbil no longer able to power Southwest

Water Treatment Facility, Missoula, MT: Constructed on Indian burial ground, ancient curse causing foundation to settle unevenly

Disney World Monorail, Orlando, FL: Once purported to run entirely on happy thoughts, the 36-year-old Disney monorail system has relied increasingly on regular electricity

Statue of Liberty, New York City: Lady Liberty is showing stress fractures and other structural damage following more than a century of being leaned on by huddled masses

Seven Mile Bridge, Key West, FL: Overburdened by discarded responsibilities

Levee system, metropolitan New Orleans: Actually, it's in perfect condition

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close