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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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America's Aging Infrastructure

Recent incidents, including a bridge collapse in Minneapolis and a steam tunnel explosion in New York City, have brought the nation's aging infrastructure into the spotlight. What are some of the country's major problem areas?

I-71, Columbus, OH: Years of poor maintenance have led to erosion and a rise in quicksand traps that swallow semitrucks whole

Four Corners Power Plant, Fruitland, NM: Aging gerbil no longer able to power Southwest

Water Treatment Facility, Missoula, MT: Constructed on Indian burial ground, ancient curse causing foundation to settle unevenly

Disney World Monorail, Orlando, FL: Once purported to run entirely on happy thoughts, the 36-year-old Disney monorail system has relied increasingly on regular electricity

Statue of Liberty, New York City: Lady Liberty is showing stress fractures and other structural damage following more than a century of being leaned on by huddled masses

Seven Mile Bridge, Key West, FL: Overburdened by discarded responsibilities

Levee system, metropolitan New Orleans: Actually, it's in perfect condition

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