Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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'America's Most Wanted' Canceled

After 23 years on the air, America's Most Wanted—the Fox show that dramatizes real crimes in order to assist in the capture of suspects—will no longer air as a weekly program. Here are some of the show's highlights:

  • 1987: The concept is born after a desperate staffer at the fledgling Fox network decides to pitch everything he sees in line at the post office as a television show
  • 1988: The show's pilot airs, and producers nearly call it quits after the first tip they receive proves incorrect
  • 1989: The show loses an intense bidding war with Cops to secure the rights to Inner Circle's smash hit "Bad Boys," forcing producers to go with the program's now iconic theme "Two Hearts" by Phil Collins
  • 1992: For five episodes, host John Walsh unsuccessfully tries out a new sign-off, "Keep helping us catch those fuckin' crooks"
  • 1999: The Cormier family of Gainesville, FL is elated when the program does a really great reenactment of Uncle Mike's armed robbery
  • 2005: To Catch A Predator and America's Most Wanted show up at the same house at the same time
  • 2006: John Walsh is accused of abusing the resources of his show when he devotes an entire episode to finding his missing keys
  • 2008: The show celebrates the arrest of the 1,000th actor mistaken for the rapist he portrayed
  • 2011: After an episode reenacting the 9/11 attacks, the tip that leads to Osama bin Laden's assassination is credited to an Abbottabad, Pakistan housewife who watches the show religiously

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