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Entertainment

What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.
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Amusement Park Rides Under Scrutiny

Following the recent tragedy in which a Chinese ride called Space Journey malfunctioned and killed six people, many carnival rides are being more carefully inspected. Here are the reasons some of our favorites are being closed:

  • Accidentally shaped like giant penis
  • Wasn't bringing in the chumps like it used to
  • A few cats living in the gears, so what?
  • Contained too many racist depictions of the Chinese
  • Exceeded regulatory limit on miscarriages per hundred rides
  • Centripetal force exceeded tensile strength
  • Only guy who knew how to set it up choked on hot dog
  • Some kid barfed and the barf flew back and hit another kid in the face and he choked on it and died, so we heard

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