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Andy Rooney Stepping Down

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Andy Rooney Stepping Down

Longtime 60 Minutes commentator Andy Rooney made his final appearance on the show Sunday. Here are some quotes from his storied career:

"The other day, I finally gave in to my wife's prodding and tried a peanut for the first time" (Sept. 16, 1984, "Peanuts Are All Right")

"Like many Americans, I have a book of matches" (Jan. 6, 1985, "When The Lights Go Out")

"Everyone's talking about Baby Jessica and how she's okay, and we're all glad for that. But no one's talking about that well. Can they still use it? Will they have to build a new one? That's what I'd like to know" (Oct. 18, 1987, "What About The Well?")

"If I could, I would lick everything in sight" (Nov. 24, 1996, "The Problem With Self-Adhesive Stamps")

"Bill Clinton is a ninny. Tony Blair is a ninny. Steve Case is a ninny. Lawrence Eagleburger is a ninny. Dom DeLuise is a ninny. Lee Iacocca is a ninny" (Jan. 18, 1998, "Everything Is Wrong Nowadays")

"M&Ms have many colors but only one taste. That's why they flew planes into those buildings" (Sept. 11, 2001, "It's Our Own Fault")

"I'm just not doing my commentary tonight and I don't think I need to give you a reason" (June 16, 2002, "Not Tonight")

"I'm the only person I know who still gets three newspapers every morning" (Oct. 13, 2002, "I Don't Know How To Cancel A Newspaper Subscription")

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