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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Apple Finally Unveils iPad

Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveiled Apple's new tablet computer, the iPad, during a presentation in San Francisco last week. Here are some of its features:

  • Awkward name enables Twitter users to make the same joke over and over and over again
  • Super slick design makes it impossible to hold, pick up, or stop from sliding down the street
  • Softly whimpers if left alone for too long
  • Maureen Dowd New York Times column generator
  • Photo album of the Jobs family summer vacation in Aruba
  • Free pair of black-rimmed glasses, turtleneck, and position at New York City architecture firm
  • Can withstand breezes up to 3 mph
  • To ensure that its users receive the constant public attention they crave, the iPad will emit the phrase "Hey, does that guy have an iPad?" every eight minutes
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