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Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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Apple Vows To End Unsafe Labor Practices

Amidst charges that Apple employs numerous Chinese factories that mistreat and underpay their employees, Apple CEO Tim Cook vowed to ensure the safety and fair compensation of the people who make the company’s popular iPods, iPads, and iPhones. Here are some of the changes that will be instituted:

  • Employees to be given 15-minute breaks to talk about how great the company is with their coworkers.
  • All electrical outlets must be raised to at least two inches above standing water on factory floor.
  • Employees will be allowed to choose the color of their own dormitory walls from a list of four pre-approved grays.
  • One suggestion box per square mile of factory floor.
  • Laborers immobilized by repetitive stress injuries now humanely put down by Apple’s Mercy Squads.
  • Suicidal employees given Tony Robbins–filled iPod Shuffle.
  • iPhone users to roam factory floor playing Angry Birds, helping hard-working employees feel more connected to final product.
  • Ten percent employee discount on AppleCare.

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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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