Apple's New iPhone

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Vol 43 Issue 25

Bar Skanks Announce Plans To Kiss

COLUMBUS, OH—The skanks would neither confirm nor deny that the kiss would involve tongue, forcing many bargoers to wait and continuously eye the suggestive pair.
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Apple's New iPhone

Apple is set to release the much-hyped iPhone Friday, June 29. Here are some of its most highly anticipated features:

Nanotechnology enables it to reassemble itself when thrown against wall

Exclusive link to Google Street View so you can watch yourself using your iPhone at all times

Takes Polaroids

When moved from hand to ear, makes Lightsaber sound effects

Prominent Apple logo

Reproduces through asexual budding

Has way, way more PRAM than the last thingy

Comes with an iPhone hat, so people know you own an iPhone during the brief periods you're not using it

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