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Area Man Already Knows Which Chicken Tender He’s Saving For Last

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Man Proud Of Food He Ordered

DEDHAM, MA—Noting how the man grinned with satisfaction after his Buffalo Chicken Ranch sandwich with a side of spiced panko onion rings arrived at his table, sources at Chili’s Grill & Bar confirmed Tuesday that local diner Matt Schoesse ...

Male Gaze Falls On Buffalo Chicken Bites

BINGHAMTON, NY—Patrons at Thirsty’s Tavern and Grill confirmed Monday that the objectifying male gaze has fallen upon a $6.95 plate of buffalo chicken bites, resulting in the menu item being treated as if it serves no purpose beyond providing ...

Big, Sloppy Chicken Parm Hovers Alluringly Above Nation

WASHINGTON—Eliciting reactions of wonder and awe in millions of Americans since appearing on the nation’s skyline this week, a giant, sloppy chicken parmesan sandwich continues to hover enticingly above the continental United States with no si...

Man Turns Vegetarian For 36 Hours

WAUSAU, WI— Local resident Alvin Wanamaker swore off all meat products for 36 hours, from Friday morning to late Saturday afternoon. "I was planning to go vegetarian for life," Wanamaker said Monday. "But then I figured, hey, there's hot dogs in the fridge, and they'll just go to waste." Wanamaker made headlines last year for his strict three-day exercise regimen of 100 sit-ups every morning.
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