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Vol 46 Issue 37

Weird Coworker Knows Where Every NFL Player Went To College

PHILADELPHIA—Whether it be a top rookie from last year's draft or an obscure offensive lineman who has been in the league for 14 years, SRS Consulting's Ryan Janis seems to know where every NFL player went to college, his coworkers confirmed Monday.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • The Onion’s Guide To Beach Etiquette

    The arrival of summer means that the nation’s beaches will soon be crowded with swimmers, tanners, surfers, and more, so it’s important for everyone to be conscious of each other’s space and needs. Here are some etiquette tips to ensure that everyone has a safe and relaxing time at the beach:

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