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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Athletes And Guns

The recent Plaxico Burress incident is only the latest chapter in a long and unhealthy relationship between sports and firearms. Here are some of the more dramatic examples:

1987: A simple game of spin-the-gun between Lawrence Taylor and his Giants teammates goes even more awry than usual

1996–present: Surprisingly, Michael Irvin's run-ins with the law do not involve handguns, only drugs and stabbings

1995: Seahawks wide receiver Brian Blades accidentally kills his cousin while trying to shoot a persistent clump of sod off his cleats

1999: After gaining access to a really cool gun, Panthers receiver Rae Carruth figures he might as well shoot his pregnant ex-girlfriend in a drive-by

2003: Shaquille O'Neal shows up to practice in a Panzer VI Tiger tank

2004: NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series officials fine Kyle Busch $50,000 for using a nonregulation gun rack in the back window of his truck

2007: After the Pacman Jones debacle, NFL officials abolish the rule that gives its players a free gun every time they enter a strip club

2008: Bob Ley accidentally blows his arm off in the middle of another Outside The Lines segment about the link between athletes and guns

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