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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Athletes And Guns

The recent Plaxico Burress incident is only the latest chapter in a long and unhealthy relationship between sports and firearms. Here are some of the more dramatic examples:

1987: A simple game of spin-the-gun between Lawrence Taylor and his Giants teammates goes even more awry than usual

1996–present: Surprisingly, Michael Irvin's run-ins with the law do not involve handguns, only drugs and stabbings

1995: Seahawks wide receiver Brian Blades accidentally kills his cousin while trying to shoot a persistent clump of sod off his cleats

1999: After gaining access to a really cool gun, Panthers receiver Rae Carruth figures he might as well shoot his pregnant ex-girlfriend in a drive-by

2003: Shaquille O'Neal shows up to practice in a Panzer VI Tiger tank

2004: NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series officials fine Kyle Busch $50,000 for using a nonregulation gun rack in the back window of his truck

2007: After the Pacman Jones debacle, NFL officials abolish the rule that gives its players a free gun every time they enter a strip club

2008: Bob Ley accidentally blows his arm off in the middle of another Outside The Lines segment about the link between athletes and guns

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