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Athletes And Sexual Misadventure

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How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
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Athletes And Sexual Misadventure

Tiger Woods' public apology for serial philandering reminds us how athletes have always found sex as problematic as it is easy for them to get.

  • 776 BC: The ancient Greeks hold the two-week fuckfest that would eventually come to be known as the Olympics
  • 1949: Golfer and all-around athlete Babe Didrickson finds a way to get no less than nine hard cocks inside her at once
  • 1950: Wilt Chamberlain loses his virginity and figures he'd like to try that again some time
  • 1952: First recorded instance of a youth soccer player being asked to help get coach's whistle out of his front pocket
  • 1973: After Yankee Fritz Peterson swaps his wife, two kids and poodle for Mike Kekich's wife, two kids, and terrier, the lefthander is reportedly very upset that his dog's vagina is completely stretched out
  • 1996: In his book "Bad As I Want To Be," Dennis Rodman explicitly explains why he doesn't think he'll ever be able to get that cock ring back from Madonna
  • 2003: After being accused of sexually assaulting a 19-year-old hotel worker, Kobe Bryant loses endorsements for KY-Jelly, Trojan Condoms, and Nutella
  • 2005: Although the Vikings rented a boat and brought in prostitutes from out of state to relax, quarterback Daunte Culpepper becomes completely unhinged after realizing he's been fisting Bryant McKinnie

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