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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Athletes Excelling Past Their Prime

With Brett Favre leading the Vikings to victory and achieving a career-best 5-0 start the day after his 40th birthday, Onion Sports examines other athletes who successfully overcame their advancement in years.

  • 1986: World champion "dartist" Henry Warren wins his 50th consecutive title, well past the age at which he should be able to throw a thing at a wall
  • 1995: Though many said his best years were behind him, Nolan Ryan goes on to make one pretty fucking incredible Advil commercial
  • 1996: Laughed at by her competitors and ridiculed by her own teammates, Olympic gymnast Shannon Miller is able to win the gold medal on the balance beam at the ripe old age of 19
  • 2002: Patrick Ewing was only 40 when he retired? Jesus Christ, he looked like he was at least 60
  • 2004: Sam Snead wins the Senior PGA Championship at the age of 91, two full years after his death
  • 2007: Robert Horry hits a shot in the playoffs, someone notices that he's almost 37, makes a big deal about it
  • 2008: Though Dikembe Mutombo can't wag his finger as fast as he used to, he makes up for that by not blocking as many shots
  • 2009: 74-year-old Vladimir Guerrero gets a game-winning hit in the ALDS

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