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Athletes In Politics

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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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Athletes In Politics

Every now and then, someone from the world of sports decides his experience will translate to the political arena. Here’s how that has worked out so far:

  • Richard Petty: Lost his bid to be North Carolina’s secretary of state, but not before his campaign skidded out of control and exploded, killing two other candidates
  • Gerald Ford: Sort of fell into both starting at linebacker for Michigan and becoming the president of the United States
  • Jim Bunning: Deceptively mediocre pitching paved way for conspicuously bad senatoring
  • Ichiro Suzuki: Has quietly been doing a really solid job as governor of Washington for the past 10 years
  • Jack Kemp: With the vice presidency all but secured, the former Buffalo Bill made the mistake of bringing Scott Norwood on to help his campaign in the final days
  • Jesse Ventura: Although many would argue he hardly qualifies as a real athlete, many would also argue he hardly qualifies as a real politician
  • Ronald Reagan: His many detractors maintain that history has been too generous to his legacy as a football player at Eureka fucking College

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