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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Athletes In Trouble With The Law

Michael Vick's criminal case may be dramatic, but the situation is hardly new. Onion Sports takes a quick look at athletes who landed on the wrong side of the law:

1985: Pete Rose receives a lifetime suspension from baseball after foolishly betting that he is too famous to get in trouble

1987: Dominique Wilkins is cleared of child-abuse charges when the "child" he was seen hitting is identified as Spud Webb

1995: Michael Jordan shoots and nearly kills a Chicago-area police officer, but the officer is so happy to be associated with Michael Jordan that no charges are filed

1996: Michael Irvin's cocaine possession charges are dropped when Irvin is able to prove that he is a member of the Dallas Cowboys

2000: Ray Lewis is investigated in connection with the murder of Jacinth Baker and Richard Lollar, convicted of obstructing justice, and sentenced to five years of community service as a linebacker for the Baltimore Ravens

2001-2007: NFL wideout Muhsin Muhammad is taken into custody three times a week for having a suspicious name

2002: Ex-New Jersey Net Jayson Williams is arrested for killing his limousine driver and sentenced to 15 years in court 

2003: Kobe Bryant pleads not guilty to sexual assault charges, forcing authorities to let him go

2004: Ricky Williams tests positive for not giving a shit about football

2006: Barbaro's involvement with gambling comes to a head when organized crime enforcers have his leg broken during the Preakness Stakes

2007: Both civil authorities and NFL officials become involved when Green Bay Packers middle linebacker Nick Barnett first pushes down a woman for throwing a drink in his face, then performs an excessively long celebratory dance over her

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