Attorney General Under Scrutiny

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Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.
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Attorney General Under Scrutiny

Lawmakers have raised questions about Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' recent testimony to Congress, demanding a perjury investigation. Which of his statements are under scrutiny?

"I received my law degree from an accredited institution and not over the Internet at a cost of 14 dollars"

His argument that the Jimmy Farrar–fronted Molly Hatchet albums are, legally speaking, far superior to the Danny Joe Brown albums

Repeated claim that, according to the U.S. Constitution, the Attorney General is allowed 34 lies a year

Saying that his old '96 Corolla had a brand new water pump and had suffered only minor body damage

Maintaining that he gets the Antonio Banderas comparison all the time

Contending that none of the fired attorneys wanted to work at the Justice Department anyway

"This is getting blown way out of proportion"


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