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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Augusta National's Social Progress

Augusta National Golf Club finally extended membership to women on Aug. 20, 2012, admitting Condoleezza Rice and Darla Moore. Onion Sports takes a look at the club’s 80-year history of enlightenment and tolerance.

  • 1935: Unknowingly admits first gay member
  • 1940: Permits wives of members to sniff grass on shoes of male members after they leave the premises
  • 1964: Lynching tree removed
  • 1975: Begins paying black employees
  • 1983: Players are no longer required to use Augusta’s all-black club caddies at the Masters, though white caddies still must dance and play the jug in between holes
  • 1987: Official handicap parking sign installed, replacing previous one that just made a lot of fun of disabled people
  • 1990: Ron Townsend becomes the first black member of Augusta after assuring the governing board that he is rich, unpleasant, and disparaging toward women
  • 1997: Tiger Woods breaks down Augusta’s racial barriers by becoming the first Thai man to win the Masters
  • 2012: Extends invitations to two women for the first time in its history, a testament to the notion that the club’s attitudes have progressed into last century

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