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How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

How Internet Clickbait Works

Facebook and other sites have recently begun to fight back against “clickbait,” often misleading internet posts designed to be seen by as many readers as possible. The Onion breaks down the production and spread of this content

Home Depot Employee Can Tell This Customer’s First Attempt At Pipe Bomb

APPLETON, WI—Shaking his head Monday as the customer selected a length of plastic pipe over a stronger metal alternative and placed it into his shopping cart, local Home Depot sales associate Graham Warner, 57, was reportedly able to tell right away that this was the store patron’s first attempt at making a pipe bomb.

Disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings Not Living Up To Ridicule

LOS ANGELES—Describing the experience as a significant letdown, local diner Eric Tidwell told reporters that the disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings franchise he visited Thursday night failed to live up to the scorn he had long heard about the restaurant.

KFC Introduces New Previously Owned 20-Piece Hot Wings

LOUISVILLE, KY—In an effort to meet the changing demands of its consumers, fast-food chain Kentucky Fried Chicken announced Wednesday that it has begun offering customers the option of purchasing, at a significant discount, a 20-piece box of pre-owned hot wings.

Man Has Loyalty To Pretzel Brand

BROWNSVILLE, TX—Describing them as “the best pretzels out there” and “the only ones [he] buy[s],” local resident Ned Carlisle expressed his firm loyalty to Snyder’s of Hanover–brand pretzels Tuesday.

New Mountain Dew Vows To Kill 99.9% Of Stomach Bacteria

PURCHASE, NY—Touting the beverage’s refreshing citrus taste, tongue-tingling carbonation, and prescription-strength antimicrobial properties, PepsiCo officials announced Wednesday that their newest product, Mountain Dew Code White, kills 99.9 percent of consumers’ stomach bacteria.

Heart Attack A Real Wake-Up Call For Man’s Insurance Provider

HARTFORD, CT—Saying the incident had forced them to completely rethink their past decisions about the man’s coverage and how they would approach his policy from here on out, Aetna executives reported Thursday that the recent heart attack of longtime plan member Michael Burns was a real wake-up call for the 163-year-old insurance company.

Big-Box Stores Vs. Small Businesses

While massive superstores like Walmart and Target have dominated the retail landscape for years, many shoppers are rejecting them in favor of smaller, locally owned shops. Here is a side-by-side comparison of the two options:
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Auto Industry Crisis

The big three American automobile manufacturers spent much of last week lobbying Congress for a portion of the economic bailout, lest they go under. How did they get to this point?

1970: United Auto Workers fights for and wins 12 paid hangover days a year for its members

1977: Inspired by the hit motion picture The Spy Who Loved Me, Chrysler wastes four years trying to manufacture a car that turns into a submarine

1985: Ford spends the majority of its R & D budget designing sweet new "Chevy Sucks" decals

1991: Sales of the Pontiac Trans Am plunge after the car officially loses its pussy magnet designation

1997: Having meticulously crafted the 1998 Dodge Dakota to boast best-in-class payload and towing capacity, Chrysler decides to rest on its laurels for the next decade

1999: Chevrolet is sued for millions after it is discovered there is already a song named "Like a Rock" with the exact same lyrics and melody

2000: GM unveils the Buick Carbon, America's first mass-produced gas-coal hybrid vehicle

2001: At the Los Angeles Auto Show, GM introduces the Pontiac Aztek to raucous laughter, then stunned silence, then blood curdling screams of horror

2006: Oprah says her new favorite thing is non-American cars

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