Banking Industry On Hard Times

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Vol 43 Issue 44

Fancy Man Enjoys Tea

YOUNGSTOWN, OH—"I normally have some Earl Grey in the morning," said Baumer, referring to the tea named after a guy who ran around England in a wig and fruity tights.

Seinfeld's Return

Nine years after his eponymous television show went off the air, Jerry Seinfeld is making a splash with his new film Bee Movie. What do...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Banking Industry On Hard Times

The banking industry is being hit hard by the subprime loan collapse. Bank of America laid off 3,000 workers and Merrill Lynch posted its first quarterly loss in six years. What are banks doing to make up the loses?

Increasing ATM fees to $601.95

Coffee temperature turned way down

Launching paid subscription websites featuring hilarious and/or deadly bank robbery videos

Limiting branch hours to noon until 12:15

Taking anything valuable from safe deposit boxes that appear not to have been opened in a while

For fee, will open cash vaults for money-bathing purposes

Charging more for crisp bills

So long as CEOs continuing to make shitloads, not too much

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