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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Barry Bonds' Job Prospects

The Giants let Barry Bonds go after last season, and the home-run record holder is still on the free-agent market. Onion Sports lists the most likely places for Bonds to end up:

Expos: Signing Bonds might be their last chance to get back into the MLB

Mariners: Team in dire need of someone who can do that thing where they take a bat and then make the ball go really far away

Phillies: In need of a player to be in pictures while standing back-to-back with Ryan Howard

Tigers: Lineup has a hole between the third and fourth batters

Rangers: Always looking for pitching—any pitching, from anyone

Diamondbacks: Young team needs someone over 40 to keep Randy Johnson company

Barnum & Bailey Circus: People would pay good money to watch Bonds try to hit a baseball thrown by an elephant

Giants: Desperately need a hitter like Barry Bonds following the departure of Barry Bonds

Reds: Have a bunch of size 11Ω caps that are basically going to waste

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