Barry Bonds' Job Prospects

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Vol 44 Issue 13

90210 Being Remade

Nineties teen soap opera Beverly Hills 90210 is being remade with a whole new cast of characters. What do you think?

Dancer Risks Everything

CHICAGO—In a daring show of hip-hop-infused ballet, a Chicago Academy of the Arts student put it all on the line and found the rhythm that was always within her.
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Barry Bonds' Job Prospects

The Giants let Barry Bonds go after last season, and the home-run record holder is still on the free-agent market. Onion Sports lists the most likely places for Bonds to end up:

Expos: Signing Bonds might be their last chance to get back into the MLB

Mariners: Team in dire need of someone who can do that thing where they take a bat and then make the ball go really far away

Phillies: In need of a player to be in pictures while standing back-to-back with Ryan Howard

Tigers: Lineup has a hole between the third and fourth batters

Rangers: Always looking for pitching—any pitching, from anyone

Diamondbacks: Young team needs someone over 40 to keep Randy Johnson company

Barnum & Bailey Circus: People would pay good money to watch Bonds try to hit a baseball thrown by an elephant

Giants: Desperately need a hitter like Barry Bonds following the departure of Barry Bonds

Reds: Have a bunch of size 11Ω caps that are basically going to waste

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