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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Baseball’s Annual Awards: 2011 Edition

It's that time of year again when baseball gears up to honor its best players, pitchers, managers, and rookies. Here's how Onion Sports sees it:

  • NL MVP: Justin Upton—Leads Diamondbacks in every offensive category, which sounds unimpressive, but they are in first place in the NL West, which also sounds unimpressive
  • AL MVP: Curtis Granderson—With his impressive run production numbers, Granderson has kept a team with only a handful of All-Stars and future Hall of Famers afloat in the AL East
  • NL Cy Young: Roy Halladay—Much easier to just add a year to the plaque he received last year than go through all the trouble of preparing a new plaque for someone else
  • AL Cy Young: Adam Dunn—Dunn's historic performance this season did more for American League pitching than anyone who actually took the mound
  • NL Rookie of the Year: Vance Worley—Phillies pitcher really made name for himself this year as the guy who's pitching for some reason instead of Lee, Halladay, Hamels, or Oswalt
  • AL Rookie of the Year: Neftali Feliz—Has done a great job defending his 2010 title
  • NL Manager of the Year: Kirk Gibson—Made a young Arizona team relevant to a nation that doesn't care about youth, Arizona, or teamwork
  • AL Manager of the Year: Joe Girardi—His team has the best record, therefore he is the best manager. Why do people need to vote on this again?

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