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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Baseball’s Annual Awards: 2011 Edition

It's that time of year again when baseball gears up to honor its best players, pitchers, managers, and rookies. Here's how Onion Sports sees it:

  • NL MVP: Justin Upton—Leads Diamondbacks in every offensive category, which sounds unimpressive, but they are in first place in the NL West, which also sounds unimpressive
  • AL MVP: Curtis Granderson—With his impressive run production numbers, Granderson has kept a team with only a handful of All-Stars and future Hall of Famers afloat in the AL East
  • NL Cy Young: Roy Halladay—Much easier to just add a year to the plaque he received last year than go through all the trouble of preparing a new plaque for someone else
  • AL Cy Young: Adam Dunn—Dunn's historic performance this season did more for American League pitching than anyone who actually took the mound
  • NL Rookie of the Year: Vance Worley—Phillies pitcher really made name for himself this year as the guy who's pitching for some reason instead of Lee, Halladay, Hamels, or Oswalt
  • AL Rookie of the Year: Neftali Feliz—Has done a great job defending his 2010 title
  • NL Manager of the Year: Kirk Gibson—Made a young Arizona team relevant to a nation that doesn't care about youth, Arizona, or teamwork
  • AL Manager of the Year: Joe Girardi—His team has the best record, therefore he is the best manager. Why do people need to vote on this again?

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