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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Batman Turns 75

Sunday marks the 75th anniversary of Batman’s first appearance in DC Comics. Here is a timeline of important events in the evolution of the Caped Crusader from comic book hero to billion-dollar franchise:

  • 1939: Batman makes his first appearance in Detective Comics, which up until this point had focused primarily on the bureaucratic red tape plaguing Gotham’s city employees
  • 1941: Batman and Commissioner Gordon kiss for the first time
  • 1942: Creator Bob Kane’s discovery of his girlfriend’s affair inspires the short-lived villain Anthony
  • 1953: Batman takes it easy this year
  • 1955: Beginning of Batman’s 10-year run as face of Marlboro
  • 1985: Fans clamor for 256-page special issue detailing Wayne Enterprises’ finances
  • 1991: Joel Schumacher directs Dying Young a cancer-themed romantic drama starring Julia Roberts and Campbell Scott. His aesthetic choices proved to Hollywood that Schumacher would make an excellent choice to revamp the Batman film franchise.
  • 1997: While scaling the side of a 30-story apartment building, Batman suffers a crippling anxiety attack after realizing that he doesn’t have any superpowers
  • 2003: Batman protects the Wayne fortune by intimidating a senator into blocking legislation increasing taxes on carried interest
  • 2005: Fans applaud Batman Begins for finally bringing gritty realism to a cartoon about a man who dresses up at night and fights a clown
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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