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Tips

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

How To Throw The Perfect Surprise Party

A surprise party is a nice gesture for a friend or family member, but pulling one off requires careful planning and commitment. Here are The Onion’s tips for throwing a surprise party:

Wedding Guest Etiquette Tips

Attending a wedding comes with its own set of social graces. The Onion provides a list of basic rules of etiquette for being a polite, congenial wedding guest

How To Prepare A Will

Writing a will ensures the proper distribution of your assets upon your death. The Onion takes you through the steps of preparing this important document

Cover Letter Writing Tips

While a résumé can display your past work experiences, a cover letter is your chance to show prospective employers who you really are and what you bring to the table. Here are The Onion’s tips for writing a memorable cover letter

Tips For Successful Campus Activism

With protests effecting change at colleges and universities across the country, many students are looking to follow the example and bring awareness to causes of their own. Here are The Onion’s tips for successful campus activism

How To Adopt A Child

Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

How To Arrange A Funeral

Losing a loved one can send mourners into a haze of emotion, and funeral planning can seem like a daunting task amidst one’s grief. Here is The Onion’s step-by-step guide to making funerary preparations

Tips For Throwing The Perfect Baby Shower

Every mother-to-be deserves a celebration of her upcoming arrival, and the best baby shower is one that fuses elegance with good fun. Here are The Onion’s tips for throwing the perfect baby shower

Tips For Jury Duty

Being summoned to serve on a jury is every American’s opportunity to participate in the judicial process and perform a civic duty for their community, but it can be a time-consuming and complicated process. Here are The Onion’s tips for serving jury duty:

Tips For Conquering Phobias

Even the most rational, clear-thinking adults can have anxieties that interfere with their routine, and learning to manage them is key to living a life free from fear. Here are The Onion’s tips for conquering your phobias:
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Beach Safety Tips

The return of warm temperatures and summer sun means many families and friends are hitting the beach to swim, sunbathe, and relax. Here are some tips for making sure you and your loved ones stay safe at the beach:

  • As soon as you arrive at the beach, be sure to tip your lifeguard so he knows who to keep an eye on.
  • Crowded beaches can be a hot spot for thieves. If you must leave your valuables unattended, keep them safe by burying them at least 15 feet under the sand and parking your car over the hole.
  • When swimming in a strong current, keep an eye on your family’s umbrella so you know whom to wave goodbye to as you are carried out to sea.
  • If you begin drowning, perform the universal distress signal: clap, clap, hand twirl (counterclockwise), head pat, snap (left hand), snap (right hand).
  • Avoid wind erosion by staying at the beach no longer than 500 years.
  • Sharks have been known to swim close to shorelines in search of prey. Throw raw meat into the water cavalierly to let them know you’re not afraid.
  • Nothing ruins a trip to the beach like a jellyfish sting. Build up a tolerance by soaking in a bath of jellyfish every night for five or six weeks prior to your trip.
  • If your foot touches a piece of seaweed, shriek as loud as you can until help arrives.
  • Whatever you do, DO NOT get sand in Dad’s car. Shake out your towels on the parking lot and wash your feet off with a water bottle if you have to, but DO NOT—I repeat—DO NOT get sand in between the seats. Dad works hard to keep this car clean and he’s not going to let it get all dirty with sand.

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