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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Beijing's Looming Olympic Crisis

With scant months before the XXIX Olympiad is scheduled to open, serious questions still remain about Beijing's readiness to safely and efficiently host the Games. Onion Sports outlines the most crucial problems:

City's traffic crisis may delay some athletes' arrivals until 2011

Oops, no water for anyone

Due to high levels of air pollution, there is a possibility the Olympic torch may set atmosphere on fire

Bars in pole-vaulting competition will be replaced with 10-foot-high piles of people

Questions have been raised by new "Working In Assembly Line For 14 Hours A Day" competition

Country apparently only had one wall in it; was built years ago

Chinese just assumed that all swimming events would be held in the ocean

Official emblem of the games melted or something

Cutbacks will force water polo, basketball, shot put to share same arena at same time

Giant mutant bird using Beijing National Stadium as nest

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