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The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Donald Trump’s Campaign: Myth Vs. Fact

Donald Trump’s political positions, personal history, and potential governing style have been the subject of much debate throughout the 2016 election. The Onion separates myth from fact in this breakdown of Trump’s campaign:

Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.

Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

INDIANAPOLIS—In what has reportedly become a daily routine on the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz stood alone in the center of his hotel suite Tuesday morning where he was carefully dressed and groomed by a swarm of loyal vermin.

How The GOP Plans To Stop Trump

In response to Donald Trump’s growing presidential primary lead, here’s how Republican Party leaders are ramping up efforts to prevent him from getting enough delegates to win the nomination outright.

It Unclear Why Thousands Of Loud, Chanting Trump Supporters Gathering Outside Arena In Iowa

‘There’s No Event Here, But They Keep Coming,’ Say Concerned Stadium Staff

DES MOINES, IA—Noting that the Republican presidential candidate had not announced any plans to visit Iowa since the state held its caucus 11 weeks ago, baffled sources reported Wednesday that it remains unclear why thousands of loud, cheering Donald Trump supporters are gathering outside the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines.

Obama Caught Trying To Jump White House Fence

WASHINGTON—The White House was briefly placed on lockdown Friday morning after “an addled and emotionally distraught” President Obama was reportedly caught trying to scale the North Lawn fence, the third such attempt this year, Secret Service officials confirmed.
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Best Debate Moments

The Republican presidential candidates have participated in 13 debates since last May, with each event seeming to have a different frontrunner. As the Iowa Caucus leads us into the primary season, here are some highlights from the verbal jousts:

  • Aug. 11: Tim Pawlenty throws his back out after 90 minutes of leaning from his podium to try to get his face on TV
  • Sept. 7: Mitt Romney objects to Jon Huntsman repeatedly referring to himself as the "good Mormon"
  • Sept. 12: Rick Perry accidentally winks at a sound guy
  • Sept. 22: A fumbling, mortified Mitt Romney finds himself at a loss when debate moderator Bret Baier asks the candidates one-by-one to pull out and describe their concealed firearms to the audience
  • Nov. 12: An aide to Rick Perry is positioned near the fire alarm should the governor again not be prepared to answer a question
  • Dec. 10: Mitt Romney comes off as out-of-touch with the common man after challenging Rick Perry to a bet of $10,000, a velvet satchel of loose gemstones, and a wastebasket made out of an albino elephant's foot
  • Dec. 15: Feeling secure with his increasing lead in the polls, Newt Gingrich attends the debate wearing only his boxers
  • Dec. 15: In spite of another strong debate performance, Ron Paul plunges in the polls as voters grow bored and tired of the congressman having constantly stuck by his principles and policy positions throughout the entire campaign

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