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Man Born With Face You Just Want To Punch

In case you missed last night's premiere of the second season of "Onion News Network", watch Jean Anne Whorton's touching portrait of a man who was born with a god-awful, hateful face.

What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Best Music Festivals Of Summer 2013

The summer music festival season is in full swing, with music fans gathering by the thousands at outdoor venues for a chance to see dozens of their favorite artists perform live. Here are some of the biggest music festivals of the summer:

  • UK Boglands 2013 Mudfest: Widely regarded as the world’s muddiest music festival, this year’s bands and concertgoers will gather in Scotland’s famed Muck Flats atop the submerged remains of last year’s bands and concertgoers
  • Bon Iver Playing Alone In An Empty Field: Fans are not allowed at this annual festival, as they would ruin the mood
  • Newport Folk Festival: Still shaken from the time Bob Dylan famously plugged in and played an electric set in 1963, this festival remains closed
  • The Students Of Mrs. Lee Summer Recital: Some 30,000 rowdy, college-aged attendees will congregate at Chambers Hall in Somerset, NJ to see how far each of Mrs. Lee’s piano students have come in the past year
  • Paulapalooza: Paul McCartney will not be in attendance, but Paula Cole is a “probably.” Paul Simon is a definite “no.” Paul Giamatti is not a musician but he said he’d come if Paul Shaffer came
  • Redwoods Treefest: Mumford and Sons will be playing somewhere in the forest, but the trees are so damn big, good luck finding them behind all their wide trunks
  • Ozfest: This non-music festival is certain to disappoint thousands of metal fans when they converge on rural Hoisington, KS for the small town’s annual parade and children’s costume contest honoring The Wizard Of Oz
  • Pitchfork Music Festival: As usual, fans will wait to cheer or pan a band’s performance until the set is complete and a large number ranging from 0.0 to 10.0 is displayed to the audience
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