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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Best Sports Movies Ever Made

With the auto-racing film Rush coming to theaters next week, Onion Sports examines the greatest sports movies of all time.

  • Rocky: The iconic boxing film has inspired millions of dipshits to run up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art and then start shadowboxing like idiots
  • Angels In The Outfield: Dead people fix baseball games
  • Bad News Bears: This critically acclaimed 2005 film breathed fresh life into the terrible 1976 original about a cantankerous little league coach that Walter Matthau really butchered
  • Big Fan: Examines the horrific, life-altering consequences of being a New York Giants fan
  • Chariots Of Fire: Easily one of the top three movies about marathon runners
  • Seabiscuit: Critics still laud Tobey Maguire for his commitment to gaining 30 pounds in order to play jockey Red Pollard
  • Space Jam: Michael Jordan, along with Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, star in this film about an aging basketball player trying to appeal to a broader family audience while constantly cheating on his wife and blowing millions on gambling
  • Rudy: Sean Astin’s irritatingly earnest performance as Fighting Irish walk-on Daniel “Rudy” Ruettiger serves as yet another argument for burning Notre Dame to cinders
  • 42: A biographical sports drama about baseball legend Jackie Robinson, who shattered barriers in the 1940s by becoming the first man to wear the number 42 in Major League Baseball

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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