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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Biggest Busts In NBA Draft History

As the NBA Draft approaches, Onion Sports looks at some of the historic mistakes teams have made picking new talent:

1891: James Naismith, the inventor of basketball, picks Joey Farnath to play center on the red team, as he is not yet aware how great a disadvantage being 4'5" will prove in the new game

1966: After observing the vast breadth and depth of his basketball knowledge, the New York Knicks just assume that Marv Albert will be able to play

1984: Michael Jordan is selected third overall, but never lives up to expectations, batting .202 with 50 career RBI

1989: With the second overall pick, the Boston Celtics select Len Bias instead of someone who is not going to die

1993: The Washington Bullets are disappointed when their second-round pick, the 7'7" Croation Gheorghe Muresan who doesn't know how to play basketball, performs like he doesn't know how to play basketball

1994: Grant Hill is selected third overall by the Detroit Pistons and breaks both wrists while holding up his new team's jersey

2001: Kwame Brown turns out to be a bust, though, with his height, cornrows, and frame, Washington Wizards scouts and management still contend that he "really looks like a good basketball player"

2003: LeBron James is selected first overall by the Cleveland Cavaliers in what would become one of the greatest busts in NBA history, not for the Cavaliers, but for James

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