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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Biggest Busts In NBA Draft History

As the NBA Draft approaches, Onion Sports looks at some of the historic mistakes teams have made picking new talent:

1891: James Naismith, the inventor of basketball, picks Joey Farnath to play center on the red team, as he is not yet aware how great a disadvantage being 4'5" will prove in the new game

1966: After observing the vast breadth and depth of his basketball knowledge, the New York Knicks just assume that Marv Albert will be able to play

1984: Michael Jordan is selected third overall, but never lives up to expectations, batting .202 with 50 career RBI

1989: With the second overall pick, the Boston Celtics select Len Bias instead of someone who is not going to die

1993: The Washington Bullets are disappointed when their second-round pick, the 7'7" Croation Gheorghe Muresan who doesn't know how to play basketball, performs like he doesn't know how to play basketball

1994: Grant Hill is selected third overall by the Detroit Pistons and breaks both wrists while holding up his new team's jersey

2001: Kwame Brown turns out to be a bust, though, with his height, cornrows, and frame, Washington Wizards scouts and management still contend that he "really looks like a good basketball player"

2003: LeBron James is selected first overall by the Cleveland Cavaliers in what would become one of the greatest busts in NBA history, not for the Cavaliers, but for James

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