adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

Biggest Busts In The History Of The NFL Draft

For every draft selection that goes on to be a hero for his team, 10 more fade into obscurity. Still others achieve infamy through overhype and underperformance. Onion Sports remembers some of the worst:

Brett Favre: In his entire career thus far, this second-round pick has not yet blocked a single field-goal attempt

Sammie Smith: Right after choosing Smith, Dolphins coaches were stunned to learn that this running back completely lacked professional experience and had never actually played in an NFL game in his life

Lawrence Phillips: The St. Louis Rams knew he would be trouble on draft day when, as his name was being announced by Commissioner Tagliabue, Phillips was beating his girlfriend instead of paying attention to the selections

Terrell Owens: Despite occasional drops, he was not so much a bust for the 49ers football-wise, but in terms of being a normal human being with decent comportment and adequate human compassion, he has certainly not panned out the way his mother probably would have intended

Eli Manning: Drafted first overall by San Diego in 2004, Manning has yet to play one single game as a Charger

Keith McCants: Left Tampa Bay Buccaneers scrambling to recover at the 1990 draft when McCants, a No. 4 pick, retired immediately after his selection, saying he just wanted to see how high he'd be drafted

Tony Mandarich: This college-standout offensive tackle was selected by the Packers in the 1989 draft ahead of Barry Sanders, Derrick Thomas, Deion Sanders, Eric Metcalf, Andre Rison, Steve Atwater, and the entire starting lineup of the 1993 NFL Champion Dallas Cowboys

Joe Montana: Selected by San Francisco with the 82nd overall pick of the 1979 draft, the 49ers expected Montana to be a solid second-string quarterback, but he disappointed everyone by winning four Super Bowls, two MVPs, and becoming one of the greatest football players of all time

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close