adBlockCheck

Sports

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
End Of Section
  • More News

Biggest Busts In The History Of The NFL Draft

For every draft selection that goes on to be a hero for his team, 10 more fade into obscurity. Still others achieve infamy through overhype and underperformance. Onion Sports remembers some of the worst:

Brett Favre: In his entire career thus far, this second-round pick has not yet blocked a single field-goal attempt

Sammie Smith: Right after choosing Smith, Dolphins coaches were stunned to learn that this running back completely lacked professional experience and had never actually played in an NFL game in his life

Lawrence Phillips: The St. Louis Rams knew he would be trouble on draft day when, as his name was being announced by Commissioner Tagliabue, Phillips was beating his girlfriend instead of paying attention to the selections

Terrell Owens: Despite occasional drops, he was not so much a bust for the 49ers football-wise, but in terms of being a normal human being with decent comportment and adequate human compassion, he has certainly not panned out the way his mother probably would have intended

Eli Manning: Drafted first overall by San Diego in 2004, Manning has yet to play one single game as a Charger

Keith McCants: Left Tampa Bay Buccaneers scrambling to recover at the 1990 draft when McCants, a No. 4 pick, retired immediately after his selection, saying he just wanted to see how high he'd be drafted

Tony Mandarich: This college-standout offensive tackle was selected by the Packers in the 1989 draft ahead of Barry Sanders, Derrick Thomas, Deion Sanders, Eric Metcalf, Andre Rison, Steve Atwater, and the entire starting lineup of the 1993 NFL Champion Dallas Cowboys

Joe Montana: Selected by San Francisco with the 82nd overall pick of the 1979 draft, the 49ers expected Montana to be a solid second-string quarterback, but he disappointed everyone by winning four Super Bowls, two MVPs, and becoming one of the greatest football players of all time

More from this section

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close