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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Biggest Errors In MLB Postseason History

Sloppy play has led to a number of charged errors during the 2009 MLB playoffs. Onion Sports examines the long, storied tradition of postseason errors.

  • 1903: In a much stricter time, Pirates shortstop Honus Wagner makes a throwing error by not hitting the first baseman's target directly. The Pirates go on to lose the Series five games to three
  • 1908: Following Fred Merkle's infamous World Series baserunning error, baseball analysts refer to the play as "Merkle's Boner" and think that's okay
  • 1986: Bill Buckner gives up three straight singles and throws a wild pitch before letting a ground ball roll between his legs
  • 1988: In Game 1 of the World Series, A's closer Dennis Eckersley misreads the sign for a fastball, mistaking it for a hanging-slider-to-give-up-a-game-winning-home-run
  • 2001: Though Jason Giambi certainly muffs a fifth-inning ground ball, his real error is standing around and apologizing while the batter comes all the way around to score
  • 2003: Both runners are ruled safe when Cubs infielder Alex Gonzalez ruins a routine double play by scooping up second base and then throwing it into the stands
  • 2008: Despite the fact that he did not touch the ball the entire game, the official scorer takes one look at Adam Dunn and gives him an error
  • 2009: St. Louis outfielder Matt Holliday makes an error on a tricky fly ball that wasn't so much tricky as it was routine, and wasn't so much a fly ball as it was a dinky piece of shit that any moron could catch

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