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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Biggest NFL Coach Press-Conference Meltdowns

Watching a coach blow his cool is a treasured football tradition. Here are the ones that made press-conference history:

1960: Cowboys coach Tom Landry is fined $5,000 by the NFL for raising his voice during a postgame press conference

1986: The room falls silent after Bears coach Mike Ditka, offended by an antagonizing question, tells reporters, "I thought you guys were my best friends"

1996: Marty Schottenheimer passionately explains his most recent playoff loss without realizing he is reciting the lyrics to Queen's "Under Pressure"

2004: Following a tough AFC championship game loss, Colts coach Tony Dungy renounces Jesus Christ and sacrifices his first animal to almighty Satan

2004: Addressing the media for the first time as Giants coach, Tom Coughlin forces a New York Post writer, who fumbled a question, to stay after the press conference and practice his query until he gets it right

2005: Red-faced with emotion and grasping the mic in a white-knuckled grip, Steelers coach Bill Cowher nearly deafens reporters with his spittle-drenched roaring while praising his team, lauding the recent press coverage, and thanking his wife and three lovely daughters

2006: After an early playoff exit, Jack Del Rio makes a quick motion as if to punch the press, causing every reporter in the room to flinch

2006: After Arizona coach Dennis Green punctuates a disastrous Monday night loss to the Bears by flipping out and leaving his press conference early, the camera cuts to the gallery, where a flamboyantly gay man breaks the nervous silence by sarcastically quipping: "Well! That was interesting!"

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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