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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Biggest Scandals Of The Obama Administration

President Barack Obama has recently come under fire for the IRS’s targeting of conservative groups, the White House’s handling of last September’s attack in Benghazi, and the Justice Department’s seizure of reporters’ phone records. Here are some other scandals that have tainted the Obama Administration:

  • August 1961: Obama born
  • January 2009: President Obama accidentally gets sworn in on a copy of Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret instead of a Bible
  • June 2009: The Presidential limousine gets booted after being left in a handicapped parking spot all night
  • February 2010: Obama allegedly asks for a cup for water at Chipotle and fills it up with soda
  • July 2011: While sitting in front of a third-grade classroom, Obama unconsciously lights up a smoke and puffs away as he continues to read to the students
  • November 2012: Sasha is caught learning how to kiss with a bust of Abraham Lincoln
  • January 2013: Vice President Biden is thrown in county overnight for selling counterfeit tickets to the inauguration
  • March 2013: A wig mishap reveals that while Obama’s been off sowing his wild oats, his secret twin Tito has been running the country since the beginning of his second term
  • January 2009–May 2013: No one really says anything at all about climate change

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