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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Biggest Sports Collapses

With Sergio Garcia plummeting from first place to a seven-way tie for eighth at the Players Championship last weekend, Onion Sports examines some of the worst chokes in the history of athletic competition.

  • 82 B.C.: After bloodying a lion within an inch of death, a Roman gladiator momentarily ponders the cruelty of mankind, giving the lion time to bite into the guy’s throat and eat him
  • 1930-present: Detroit Lions
  • 1964: Following a heavyweight title, promising young boxer Cassius Clay proceeds to go winless for the rest of his career while virtual unknown Muhammad Ali begins his dominance of the sport
  • 1996: Greg Norman blows a six-stroke lead on the final day of the Masters by insisting on playing a ball where it lay after it dropped into the abyss of Augusta’s famous 12th-hole glacial ravine
  • 1997: In a devastating loss for Michael Jordan during Game 6 of the NBA Finals, the Chicago Bulls fail to cover the spread
  • 2002-03: In one of the more disappointing collapses in NBA history, the Raptors lose their final eight games of the 2003 season, leaving them in the unfortunate position to draft Chris Bosh
  • 2006: Leading 26-0 at the half against the Dillon Panthers in the Texas State Football Championship Game, the Mustangs surrender 27 straight points in the second half and lose to the Panthers on the last play of the game, courtesy of a touchdown from Brian “Smash” Williams as time expires
  • 2007: Needing to preserve a seven-game divisional lead going into the final 17 games of the season, the New York Mets don’t do that
  • 2011: Despite the fanfare of the “Big Three” of LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh, the Heat lose the NBA Finals to underdog Dallas Mavericks in six games, a disappointment that all three players would never live down for the rest of their careers

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