Biggest Sports Collapses

In This Section

Vol 49 Issue 20

Everyone Forgets To Bring Swimsuits To Coworker’s Party

ARLINGTON, TX—While gathered for a party at a coworker’s backyard pool Saturday, out-of-shape colleagues at Shuster, Layne & Associates were struck by the coincidence that they had somehow each forgotten to bring bathing apparel to the fes...

Obama's Second Term Mired In Scandal

President Obama’s second term is off to a rocky start, with the acting IRS chief stepping down, the Justice Department seizing journalists’ phone records, and Republicans continuing to allege a high-level cover-up of the Benghazi attack last S...

Obama Fondly Recalls Frustration Of First Term

WASHINGTON—Saying that those were definitely some good times, a reflective President Obama told reporters Friday that the current scandals plaguing his administration have made him long for the deeply frustrating, often maddening political climate o...

Nation Supposes It's Outraged By White House Scandals

WASHINGTON—Reacting to the number of major scandals currently plaguing the White House, a somewhat confused American populace told reporters Friday that yeah, sure, they’re totally outraged or whatever about what’s currently going on in ...

Every Glass In Grandmother’s Cupboard Visibly Filthy

Sasha Obama becomes suspicious after doing a little digging around on Benghazi, this has to be the year a local miniature golf course goes out of business, and a dude with a knit hat at a party calls beer 'libations.' It's the week of May 17, 2013
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Business

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Biggest Sports Collapses

With Sergio Garcia plummeting from first place to a seven-way tie for eighth at the Players Championship last weekend, Onion Sports examines some of the worst chokes in the history of athletic competition.

  • 82 B.C.: After bloodying a lion within an inch of death, a Roman gladiator momentarily ponders the cruelty of mankind, giving the lion time to bite into the guy’s throat and eat him
  • 1930-present: Detroit Lions
  • 1964: Following a heavyweight title, promising young boxer Cassius Clay proceeds to go winless for the rest of his career while virtual unknown Muhammad Ali begins his dominance of the sport
  • 1996: Greg Norman blows a six-stroke lead on the final day of the Masters by insisting on playing a ball where it lay after it dropped into the abyss of Augusta’s famous 12th-hole glacial ravine
  • 1997: In a devastating loss for Michael Jordan during Game 6 of the NBA Finals, the Chicago Bulls fail to cover the spread
  • 2002-03: In one of the more disappointing collapses in NBA history, the Raptors lose their final eight games of the 2003 season, leaving them in the unfortunate position to draft Chris Bosh
  • 2006: Leading 26-0 at the half against the Dillon Panthers in the Texas State Football Championship Game, the Mustangs surrender 27 straight points in the second half and lose to the Panthers on the last play of the game, courtesy of a touchdown from Brian “Smash” Williams as time expires
  • 2007: Needing to preserve a seven-game divisional lead going into the final 17 games of the season, the New York Mets don’t do that
  • 2011: Despite the fanfare of the “Big Three” of LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh, the Heat lose the NBA Finals to underdog Dallas Mavericks in six games, a disappointment that all three players would never live down for the rest of their careers
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More