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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Biggest Upsets Of The Sochi Olympics

In major upsets, both snowboarder Shaun White and downhill skier Bode Miller came up short of the platform in their signature events at the Winter Olympic games. Here are some of the shocking surprises so far in Sochi:

  • In a momentous upset within the Halberstrom household, youngest daughter Libby sides with Dad and Brett, resulting in a 3-2 vote to watch Undercover Boss instead of figure skating
  • 15-year-old figure skating phenom Julia Lipnitskaia of Russia overtakes U.S. favorite Ashley Wagner as the one your grandma likes
  • Canada plays the U.S. in women’s hockey, upsetting a set of gender norms that help keep our society stable
  • All those guys somehow fit into that bobsled
  • The U.S. hockey team defeats the U.S.S.R. in Lake Placid, which for Dad still feels like it was yesterday
  • All-black Carter High School Olympic figure skating team manage to defeat rivals from St. Dominic’s Prep after inspiring speech from coach
  • Against all odds, Russian folk hero Ivan Tsarevich captures the Fire Bird’s feather, befriends the Gray Wolf, and lives happily ever after with Helen, his beloved
  • The irrepressible biathlon article “Belarus’ Domracheva Wins Olympic Gold” manages to exit the 24-hour news cycle in a mere 15 minutes, setting a new Olympic record
  • Someone not from the U.S. wins an event

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