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The Pros And Cons Of Gene Editing

Recent advancements in gene editing have introduced a number of exciting possibilities for human advancement and raised difficult ethical questions. The Onion breaks down the pros and cons of gene editing.

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Bin Laden's Abandoned Terror Plots

Poring over materials seized during the raid in Pakistan, intelligence officials have discovered Osama bin Laden wanted to commit new acts of terror to drive the United States out of the Middle East. Here are some of the plots he had devised:

  • Attack on boyhood town harboring '70s fat-Osama photos
  • Deploying top al-Qaeda operative Donald Trump to distract America from its real problems (plan completed)
  • Planting explosives on Mount Rushmore to turn George Washington into Jimmy Carter
  • Secretly replacing all M&Ms with Reese's Pieces
  • Repeatedly voting for the worst American Idol contestant, ruining the chances of those who really deserve to move on to the next round
  • Writing snide, dismissive comments on every Huffington Post story about Pakistan
  • Grinding the Internet to a standstill by enlisting mujahideen to all stream Netflix at the same time
  • Flying planes directly into lower Manhattan's 9/11 memorial (plan repeatedly placed on hold)

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