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Holiday Shopping

Mom Produces Decorative Gift Bag Out Of Thin Air

LEXINGTON, MA—Conjuring the item into existence along with several sheets of perfectly coordinated tissue paper, local mother Caroline Wolfson, 49, reportedly produced a decorative gift bag out of thin air Tuesday within a mere fraction of a second of her daughter mentioning she needed to wrap a present.

Online Shopping vs. In-Store Shopping

While brick-and-mortar stores like Walmart and Target are advertising door-buster deals to get consumers in their aisles on Black Friday, many Americans are opting to take advantage of the ease and product variety of online shopping.

Family Takes Rare Trip To The Good Mall

CORAL GABLES, FL—In a noteworthy departure from their usual shopping routine, the Dietrich family announced today that they would forego the regular mall near their home in favor of the good mall, located 45 minutes away.
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Holiday Shopping

Black Friday Deals

Retailers are planning to open earlier than ever this Thanksgiving holiday, with many national department stores opening their doors by 8 p.m. Thanksgiving night. Here are some of the doorbuster deals they have unveiled for the upcoming holiday shopping season:

  • Dollar Tree: Thirteen-ounce package of Li’l Dutch Maid Duplex Creme Cookies marked down to 75 cents between midnight and 6 a.m.
  • Kmart: Choice of complimentary Hi Ho Cherry-O board game or Ryobi cordless drill bit set for each scalp of a fellow shopper presented at checkout
  • Petsmart: Obligatory ferret with every purchase
  • Barnes & Noble: Free Barnes & Noble franchise location with the purchase of any Penguin Classic
  • Claire’s: Five-second express piercing
  • Bath & Body Works: Severed hand to moisturize with every purchase
  • Swarovski Crystal: One big slab of beef when you spend $50 or more
  • Yankee Candle: Half-off with student ID
  • Sears: Free receipts for the kids
  • Target: Eighty percent off any item in store as long as customer is willing to be hunted in aisles by manager
  • Bose Store: No. You pay full price.
  • Kohl’s: Complimentary all-encompassing sadness and pervasive sense that your life wasn’t supposed to be like this with every purchase from 8 p.m. Thursday to 9 a.m. Friday

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