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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
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Black Friday Deals

Retailers are planning to open earlier than ever this Thanksgiving holiday, with many national department stores opening their doors by 8 p.m. Thanksgiving night. Here are some of the doorbuster deals they have unveiled for the upcoming holiday shopping season:

  • Dollar Tree: Thirteen-ounce package of Li’l Dutch Maid Duplex Creme Cookies marked down to 75 cents between midnight and 6 a.m.
  • Kmart: Choice of complimentary Hi Ho Cherry-O board game or Ryobi cordless drill bit set for each scalp of a fellow shopper presented at checkout
  • Petsmart: Obligatory ferret with every purchase
  • Barnes & Noble: Free Barnes & Noble franchise location with the purchase of any Penguin Classic
  • Claire’s: Five-second express piercing
  • Bath & Body Works: Severed hand to moisturize with every purchase
  • Swarovski Crystal: One big slab of beef when you spend $50 or more
  • Yankee Candle: Half-off with student ID
  • Sears: Free receipts for the kids
  • Target: Eighty percent off any item in store as long as customer is willing to be hunted in aisles by manager
  • Bose Store: No. You pay full price.
  • Kohl’s: Complimentary all-encompassing sadness and pervasive sense that your life wasn’t supposed to be like this with every purchase from 8 p.m. Thursday to 9 a.m. Friday

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