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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

Being A Mom Was The Best Four Years Of My Life!

As I get older, I find myself reflecting on my life more often and marveling at what an amazing journey it’s been. I’ve made tons of great friends, been to magnificent places all over the world, and learned so many important things about myself along the way. But if I’m being honest, there’s one period of my life that stands out from all the rest: those four incredible years when I was a mom.
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Blackwater In The United States

Since it was reported that Blackwater killed more than 25 Iraqi civilians in a seemingly unprovoked attack, it has also come to light that the security firm has numerous domestic contracts, including post-Katrina security and aiding in the drug war. What other domestic operations is it involved in?

Providing logistics, intelligence, counterterrorism, surveillance, face-painting, and canine services for the Nashua Kids Day Out! Festival

Authorized to use extreme force when keeping the greens at Pebble Beach squirrel-free

Strictly enforcing "You Must Be This Tall" markers at amusement parks

Reenacting Army Rangers' Somalia street battle in high school gymnasiums as part of Army recruitment drive

Crowd control outside the Today show

Ass-kicking as necessary to ensure success of No Child Left Behind Act

Checking receipts at Best Buy

Killing people who look like they're up to something

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