AKRON, OH—In a rare display of bipartisanship just one day before the presidential election, President Barack Obama and Republican challenger Mitt Romney came together Monday to urge Americans to purchase The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge.
LANGHORNE, PA—In an attempt to sway any voters who remain undecided in the Democratic-leaning state, Republican candidate Mitt Romney announced Friday that any resident of Pennsylvania who votes for him in the upcoming election can have his wife, An...
NEW YORK—As part of his continued effort to torment the 34-year-old statistician and blogger, feared New York Times bully Derek Kriesel reportedly slapped a stack of opinion polls from Nate Silver’s hands Friday, scattering the surveys ...
NEW YORK—In its November 2012 issue, out on newsstands this week, Good Car magazine bestowed its trademark “This Is A Good Car” ranking upon the 2013 Hyundai Sonata, which the publication features on its cover.
A study finds the majority of Americans are now eating one consecutive meal, the nation's lower class is still waiting for a mention from either presidential candidate, and a weird couple has the greatest sex of their lives following the announcement o...
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox
8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC
Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!
LOS ANGELES—Offering mothers and fathers a greater degree of control than ever over their baby’s development in utero, UCLA scientists announced a new procedure Wednesday that gives parents the ability to select the sexiness of their child.
RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.