Bosnian Cease-Fire Celebrated With Massive Ocean Animal Sing-A-Long

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Vol 29 Issue 08

PR Firm Kills Innocent Child

The prestigious Chicago-based public relations firm of Lawler, Schneider & Epps, whose impressive client roster includes such giants as RJR/Nabisco, PepsiCo and Bristol-Myers/Squibb, killed an innocent child yesterday, beating 7-year-old Chicago resid...

Monk Gloats Over Yoga Championship

LHASA, TIBET—Employing the brash style that first brought him to prominence, Sri Dhananjai Bikram won the fifth annual International Yogi Competition yesterday with a world-record point total of 873.6.“I am the serenest!” Bikram shouted to the estimated c...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • The Onion’s Guide To Beach Etiquette

    The arrival of summer means that the nation’s beaches will soon be crowded with swimmers, tanners, surfers, and more, so it’s important for everyone to be conscious of each other’s space and needs. Here are some etiquette tips to ensure that everyone has a safe and relaxing time at the beach:

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