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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Breaking Down The New NFL Labor Agreement

The lockout has ended, and NFL players are finally in training camp under a new deal with the league. We look at exactly what the players and owners agreed to.

  • Value of touchdowns has been increased by 10 percent, making them now worth 6.6 points
  • Undrafted free agents may now be referred to as “football-playing things” and “hunks of meat”
  • Tom Brady gets extra $75.91 out of new CBA
  • Schedule remains 16 games, but there will be two additional preseason games that count toward regular-season record
  • Teams are permitted and encouraged to terminate one player named Ray Lewis within the next 10 days
  • Nobody going to bother with whatever revenue Jacksonville Jaguars manage to collect
  • Really, neither side is ever going to feel like it’s making enough, so just expect to pay $65 for your favorite team's official T-shirt
  • Rookies will no longer be paid

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