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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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Breaking Down The Tournament's Top Seeds

Being a No. 1 seed in the NCAA Tournament doesn't guarantee a Final Four berth, but it does automatically make your team the subject of in-depth analysis. Here are how the top four teams stack up:

OHIO STATE

  • Strengths: If you look closely, the numbers prove the Buckeyes have already won the tournament
  • Weaknesses: Because they can win playing high-tempo or low-tempo, they will lose when they forget to choose one

KANSAS

  • Strengths: In addition to strong shooting and defense, the Jayhawks have the added bonus of not being Duke
  • Weaknesses: Although the Morris twins have been solid all year, that doesn't change the fact that twins are weird

DUKE

  • Strengths: Blue Devils have the best chance of repeating as champions, since no other team won the tournament last year
  • Weaknesses: At this point, it' s no longer a good thing that Bobby Hurley's still on the team

PITT

  • Strengths: This tough defensive team won't get blown out when they lose early in the tournament
  • Weaknesses: Panthers have some players who can do it all; unfortunately, they also have players who literally can't do anything

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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