adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Breakouts And Busts Of NFL Combine

The annual combine can be a make-or-break event for potential NFL draft picks, and 2012 saw its share of standouts and washouts.

  • Chris Givens: Stepped foot in an NFL stadium for the first time and immediately died
  • Andrew Luck: Scouts didn't even pay attention to anything he did, as Indianapolis is going to take him no matter what, so really, why do they even bother? Being a scout sucks
  • Morris Claiborne: Failed to account for finite temperature effects on the spin polarization of neutron matter when taking the nuclear physics portion of the Wonderlic
  • Aaron Rodgers: Struck many scouts as arrogant and egotistical when he failed to show and claimed exemption, having already been drafted years ago
  • Trent Richardson: Performed best among all running backs in wearing the shit out of some Under Armour
  • Brandon Weeden: Was unable to offset fears about his age when measurements showed he had aged 42 years between the Fiesta Bowl and the combine
  • Robert Griffin III: Disappointed scouts looking for the next Tim Tebow after repeatedly throwing the ball directly to receivers with commendable accuracy
  • Dontari Poe: Confused scouts by only tallying two bench-press reps, but at 24,765 pounds each

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close