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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Breakouts And Busts Of NFL Combine

The annual combine can be a make-or-break event for potential NFL draft picks, and 2012 saw its share of standouts and washouts.

  • Chris Givens: Stepped foot in an NFL stadium for the first time and immediately died
  • Andrew Luck: Scouts didn't even pay attention to anything he did, as Indianapolis is going to take him no matter what, so really, why do they even bother? Being a scout sucks
  • Morris Claiborne: Failed to account for finite temperature effects on the spin polarization of neutron matter when taking the nuclear physics portion of the Wonderlic
  • Aaron Rodgers: Struck many scouts as arrogant and egotistical when he failed to show and claimed exemption, having already been drafted years ago
  • Trent Richardson: Performed best among all running backs in wearing the shit out of some Under Armour
  • Brandon Weeden: Was unable to offset fears about his age when measurements showed he had aged 42 years between the Fiesta Bowl and the combine
  • Robert Griffin III: Disappointed scouts looking for the next Tim Tebow after repeatedly throwing the ball directly to receivers with commendable accuracy
  • Dontari Poe: Confused scouts by only tallying two bench-press reps, but at 24,765 pounds each

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