adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

Brett Favre's Troubled Past

Though undeniably talented, Brett Favre has made a habit of getting into strange situations. We look at some of his more remarkable exploits.

  • 1991: NFL Draft ruins his lifelong dream of becoming a Mississippi high school teacher who coaches the football team and gets fired for trying to sleep with one of his students
  • 1993: Favre walks directly up to an 18-year-old female Packers intern and asks if he can perform cunnilingus on her
  • 1995: When asked if he wants more extra-cheese on his cheese fries, Favre says no, sending shockwaves throughout the entire state of Wisconsin
  • 1996: Favre pukes up blood on the sidelines after being sacked, forcing coaches to waste a time-out as they wait for him to pick Vicodin pills out of his vomit
  • 1999: Favre breaks his thumb after covertly trying to stick it into sideline reporter Pam Oliver's ass
  • 2003: Desperate for any kind of inspiration, Favre kills his father
  • 2007: Favre apologizes to fans after inappropriately appearing in a Wrangler Jeans commercial
  • 2008: Totally cries on national television in front of everyone
  • 2010: Ages slightly in the offseason

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close