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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Brett Favre's Troubled Past

Though undeniably talented, Brett Favre has made a habit of getting into strange situations. We look at some of his more remarkable exploits.

  • 1991: NFL Draft ruins his lifelong dream of becoming a Mississippi high school teacher who coaches the football team and gets fired for trying to sleep with one of his students
  • 1993: Favre walks directly up to an 18-year-old female Packers intern and asks if he can perform cunnilingus on her
  • 1995: When asked if he wants more extra-cheese on his cheese fries, Favre says no, sending shockwaves throughout the entire state of Wisconsin
  • 1996: Favre pukes up blood on the sidelines after being sacked, forcing coaches to waste a time-out as they wait for him to pick Vicodin pills out of his vomit
  • 1999: Favre breaks his thumb after covertly trying to stick it into sideline reporter Pam Oliver's ass
  • 2003: Desperate for any kind of inspiration, Favre kills his father
  • 2007: Favre apologizes to fans after inappropriately appearing in a Wrangler Jeans commercial
  • 2008: Totally cries on national television in front of everyone
  • 2010: Ages slightly in the offseason

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