Brett Favre's Troubled Past

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Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.
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Brett Favre's Troubled Past

Though undeniably talented, Brett Favre has made a habit of getting into strange situations. We look at some of his more remarkable exploits.

  • 1991: NFL Draft ruins his lifelong dream of becoming a Mississippi high school teacher who coaches the football team and gets fired for trying to sleep with one of his students
  • 1993: Favre walks directly up to an 18-year-old female Packers intern and asks if he can perform cunnilingus on her
  • 1995: When asked if he wants more extra-cheese on his cheese fries, Favre says no, sending shockwaves throughout the entire state of Wisconsin
  • 1996: Favre pukes up blood on the sidelines after being sacked, forcing coaches to waste a time-out as they wait for him to pick Vicodin pills out of his vomit
  • 1999: Favre breaks his thumb after covertly trying to stick it into sideline reporter Pam Oliver's ass
  • 2003: Desperate for any kind of inspiration, Favre kills his father
  • 2007: Favre apologizes to fans after inappropriately appearing in a Wrangler Jeans commercial
  • 2008: Totally cries on national television in front of everyone
  • 2010: Ages slightly in the offseason


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