President Bush has appointed Lt. Gen. Douglas Lute as "war czar." What will Lute's duties entail?
Living high off the sweat and labor of the war serfs
Filing appropriate paperwork so that the right shit gets blown up
Ghostwriting Bush's memoir about the past six years, War Musin'
Placing courtesy calls to retired generals and politely requesting that they lay off for a while
Delivering the bluster of 10 men
Creating morale-boosting activities for the troops that do not involve them coming home
Regularly briefing the president on how he's liking being the new war czar
Answering phones, light typing, fall-taking